I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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