no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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