I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize