Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize