I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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