i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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