then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize