walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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