im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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