Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize