i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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