you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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