i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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