I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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