i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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