If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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