I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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