i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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