There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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