make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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