In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize