remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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