i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize