Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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