i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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