The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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