I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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