the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize