i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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