feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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