Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize