sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize