; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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