what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
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the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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