A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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