she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
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When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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