Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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