I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
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I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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