So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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