God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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