Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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