If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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