i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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