so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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