I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my poor anus
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize