I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize