i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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