The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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