Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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