I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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